I don’t really want to wear this hat.
In fact, I have never liked this hat.
Did I mention I really despise hats?
Hey, wait just a minute ... I should NOT have to be wearing this hat AT ALL!
There is one catch.
The only way the bill for the pilot program passed muster with our State Department of Mental Health, was to tweak it so that ONLY families could file petitions. That’s right, not the provider as with all other AOT programs across this nation. No one but family members may file petitions. As a result, and to my knowledge, only one mother has filed a petition in the 2 years the program has existed. Why? Because filing a petition puts families - who are sometimes their loved one's only supporters - in an awkward, vulnerable and potentially dangerous position.
When I mentioned this option to his care provider in an attempt to reel him in quickly, he cautioned me that irreparable harm would be done to our relationship if I did this and that he could not support that.
Then I flashback to 6 years ago - to his multiple arrests and a tasing due to symptoms of his untreated mental illness - and I thank God for the court ordered treatment that resulted in a mutual agreement to keep him out of jail (which worked, by the way and kept him stable for 6 years).
I cringe. Is this Deja Vu?
Must it take another round of my letting go and his subsequent criminalization to get him the help he needs? Well, there is NO WAY I am willing to allow these natural consequences to repeat themselves. Why don't I let him hit rock bottom again? Because there is no rock bottom for kids like mine. He just might not survive this time around.